From Grief, Depression, or Illness to Positivity & Healing

April 22, 2009

Life goes on…whether we want it to or not

Filed under: My Rambling Thoughts....=D — by Sue @ 12:59 pm

I originally wrote this note on facebook in my discussion board in my group “coping with the death of a loved on” titling it “Life does go on”…..I wrote the main paragraph but then someone proceeded to post a message after mine saying “life doesn’t always go on” so I changed it and added the last paragraph – we may not always get the life we’ve planned but that’s why there’s the saying “LIfe ain’t always beautiful but it’s a beautiful ride” because we have to make the life we have as enjoyable as we can – we only get once chance at this thing called LIFE!

My dad started going to a grief place called Maggie’s Centre (in Scotland) after my mum passed away (June 2007). It’s a place where people who have cancer can go, family members for advice, or in my dad’s case, for bereavement councelling after my mum passed. Since I live in Canada, it was hard for me to go through the grief process with him. He hated going home to an empty house after having been married to my mum for over 30 years. He met a “lady friend” there – Joyce……she lost her husband in 2006 and was still having difficulty coping. Maggie’s Centre often hosts “outtings” where the group of people from there would go out on day trips, well my dad and Joyce hit it off and he finally called me, it was about a year after my mum passed to say he’d met a “friend” but he felt so guilty because he thought he was doing something wrong towards my mum. I told him that we never know what tomorrow brings – he’s not getting any younger after all (he’s currently 70). My mum was 13 years younger than him so she was only 55 when she passed away (2 months short of her 56th bday). So whatever chance at happiness he had, he should grab it….but to take it slowly because I didn’t want him “latching on” to the first person he met. It’s now quite a few months later and he called me at New Years to say things were getting more serious between them and he could see marriage in their future. I cried of course, so did he, because he said nobody could ever replace my mum but he hated the lonliness. I’ve spoken to her a couple times over the holidays – she seems very nice and the thing I appreciated the most was they sent me a few pictures back in November, so I could see what she looks like. She wrote me a letter – saying she’ll always take care of my dad and that they are just 2 lonely soles who have found sunshine again after a lot of rain. That meant a lot to me that she took the time to write to me. I miss my mum like crazy, and so does my dad but life does unfortuantley have to go on, not always the way we plan, but it does go on. So I wish them nothing but the best. They’re coming out for a visit to Canada in October to see me, so it’ll be nice to meet her.

A lot of people would probably disagree with me on this – but we have to go on – we can’t let grief consume our lives – we can’t let it push our loved ones away without trying to move on – the people we lose will always be with us but we have to live life. We don’t always want it to go on – I didn’t after I lost my mum, and I CERTAINLY didn’t want to go on after losing my baby – but I did – I found out the hard way you do have to try to get on with your life. What I have found out is this – what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.


1 Comment »

  1. I agree. You never have to forget anything but all we really have is right now. 3 seconds ago doesnt exist anymore and tomorrow isn’t here. So when my issues from my past or worries for my future creep up, I just try to get in the NOW. Sometimes its tough, but for me it helps.

    Comment by Jay — October 8, 2009 @ 12:52 pm |Reply

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