From Grief, Depression, or Illness to Positivity & Healing

February 23, 2010

Time Flies

Filed under: My Rambling Thoughts....=D — by Sue @ 10:25 am

It’s funny how we all say that time goes by so quickly, yet at the same time, it feels like yesterday again when you’re hit with a memory of some sort, either good or bad.
It’s been over 18 month since I lost my baby, and I reflect today, as it should have been her first birthday. Although a year has passed, I remember how devastated I was last year at this time. How unfair I thought the world had been to me, and was angry at myself for letting everything happen. I hated not only myself but hated seeing pregnant people and newborns everywhere….particularly not easy for me to avoid seeing as I work in a Children’s Hospital!!!
Fast forward 12 months – for the most part, I’m sane again, I don’t tend to go “off into my own little black hole” anymore but I have my moments, when it comes up to the date she went to heaven, and on days like today. I think that will always be natural, to wonder what she would have looked like – whether she had my small nose, or my hubby’s eyes…..what her personality would have been like, stubborn like, well like both her parents, or quiet and shy, or will tend to be the type who would speak her mind….maybe a little bit of both.
I still believe everything happens for a reason and although it was my dream to have that baby, I see now and know (even though the heart sometimes wants to tell you differently) that it just simply wasn’t her time to enter into this world yet….that she has more important things to do, and that’s to be the grandchild to my mum and that they’re taking care of each other.
I hope that one day, if I am blessed enough to have a baby, that I will be able to be as good a mother to that child as my mum was to me growing up. That I have the patience when they’re running around my feet and I’m trying to get the dishes done, or that there’s always too many toys to clean up, because that means that they’re alive and enjoying life to the fullest, as that’s the way it should be.
Life certainly isn’t a guarantee, we never know if we have tomorrow. And I’m not being a pessimist when I say that, but we truly don’t know. Everyone should live every minute to the fullest…. We worry too much in this world about not having enough money, whether we’re too fat or too thin, what others think of us, when what we should be worrying about is enjoying the time that you have with your loved ones.
Never let a day go by without saying I love you to that special someone in your life, for you never know when it might be the last time you get to say it, and you never want to go through your life with regrets. There are always things you’re going to wish for that had been done differently, always – but they’re done, and it’s in the past, and whatever situation arose out of your choice or decision at the time is the path your life is being led on now….and that’s the one you’re meant to be on in this moment in time……

xo

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1 Comment »

  1. Great post – sending you hugs today.
    You are a great writer & poet.
    You have made me feel so many emotions with your words. Happy, sad, I’ve cried and even laughed reading all your posts.
    Keep it up, cause you’re great at it. 🙂

    Comment by VirgoMommy — February 23, 2010 @ 8:59 pm |Reply


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